What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
