Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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