just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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