I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
