Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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