I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
