it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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