i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
