to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
