Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
