Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
