i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
