Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize