um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
