the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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