1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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