So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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