i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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