Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
