we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
