Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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