I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize