once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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