...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize