:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
