omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
