woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
