i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Randomize
