beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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