Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
