Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
