You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
