I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
