can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
