You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
