when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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