you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
