Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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