if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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