Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Quick, to the slutcave!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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