i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
