omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
