i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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