She's JV to your varsity
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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