guys are only as good as the porn they watch
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
