waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
