dude i'm inner monologue high
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize