i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Randomize
