I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
