I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize