then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
