I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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