Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I am one with the molecules
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
