You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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