i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
