I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
