Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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