It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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