I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
