id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
