Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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