Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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