i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
