Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You can't motorboat a personality
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
