Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
