Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
