I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
