Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
