In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
