his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
