im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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