What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have post one night stand depression
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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