Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Oh god it's open bar.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
