I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
