i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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