don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
