as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
