Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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