dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
