I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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